Tuesday, July 24, 2018

How I Found my Future Wife Behind a Table of Books

Violette at the Atlanta Scifi & Fantasy Expo

We first met in a dark space filled with dancing and drinking people.  She had many of her books on a table, selling them and talking about what’s in between the covers to both unknowing and knowing people.  She said that when she first saw me walk in; she knew me; although we never had any real English exchanges on the www before this evening. But she knew me, my face, my exterior; when I slithered into the nightspot. Her friend even noticed the book I had clutched; her book and I desired her signature across its inner page.

I immediately noticed her astonishing beauty, her steady, but shy gaze into my aura and although she introduced me to her friend; I remained captivated by her exterior.  I felt a little heat near my heart; the same heat that I felt when I first discovered her on the www while rummaging through my real friend’s friends on the www.  I’d been single for nearly a year and wasn’t totally satisfied with the few choices I’d come across, but when I came across her (her photos on the www); I felt a little heat around my heart.

We talked into our eyes, conversations about art, music, and writing. Her friend eventually sat on my chair’s arm and whispered small talk while her dreadlocks kept falling into my face and I kept wondering why my paperback writing friend was so distant (at least in my head it felt that way) from me.  Her friend’s guy friend looked on at us with a suspicious eye while I continued to try and speak some English to my main attraction. She sold a few books, and spoke with hangers-on, I felt the heat near my heart rising and I stayed there until she was ready to leave.

I offered to help her with her unsold books and other things, but she declined, so I decide to hang in the middle of the dance floor, but not to dance. I waited on my new friend (at least that was my intention) to return and maybe give me her number or any indication that she wanted to keep in touch. She didn’t return. I leave several minutes after seeing her disappear in the back parking lot with a load of stuff. I figured that she left and I was just another book fan with a fresh signature in a book.

The next day on the www; I get a comment from her thanking me for my support. I mentally jump up, clapping my feet together like a character in Aesop’s Fable story. I smile, I blush and respond back. We speak on the www for several weeks; getting to know our insides and it was all good.  We go from being casual art/ music/ writing friends to being lovers and acknowledging the love bubbling in our hearts for each other.  

In a relatively short period of time; we could NOT be away from each other more than two consecutive days. Sleep became less of my friend and nodding at work became the norm; as I had to see this woman as much as possible.  The connection and love reminded me of the strongest high school love. It felt so new, so fresh, and so innocent.  I also knew at this early time that I could marry her…like, be with her forever marry.

December 10, 2011, we officially made our love more public with a ceremony showing God and others that we love each other and that we are committed to this union forever.  This union is almost 7-years old, but it feels that it was infinitely in the making. I look forward to our forever commitment, being a family and growing spiritually, emotionally and financially stronger.


Sunday, March 26, 2017

This is What I've Concluded About You From My Ten-Year Experiment





















Some parts of society have become the biggest reality show. Seriously. Much of today's pop culture and I use the word culture loosely; is nothing more than a bunch of mostly bored and boring people being safe, thinking safe and living or should I say imagining a more robust life (like that of a reality show star). These people use social media to 're-imagine' themselves as bottle-popping party heads, surrounded by the 'coolest' people (who are usually homogenized, like milk).

I've recently concluded a ten year experiment. My experiment, while far from being scientific, has been mostly anecdotal. I decided that I wouldn't allow the people to know that they were my subjects as the interactions had to be as real as possible.

My unscientific conclusions:


1. People need to feel safe from true trendsetters. What's funny about this is people are intrinsically trendy, but this trendiness only goes as far as what everybody else is approving of. Many men are still afraid to be themselves because they have to hide their insecurities in a mixture of testosterone and the 'my d**k is bigger than yours-isms.' Many people are also not hardwired to understand a true trendsetter because the true trendsetter is usually someone that they'll consider weird or eccentric.  These people are so allergic to true change agents that they can sometimes get visibly upset when communicating with or even seeing them.



2. Original thinkers are becoming rarer. I've not come across more than 5 truly innovative thinking persons during my ten year study. The intelligence of the people studied ranged from below average to above average and smart(some of the above average and smart ones are the ones that tended to override their below the surface fears and jealousies when they encountered someone who may be MENSA smart by trying to correct the way they speak, write or how they operate as a whole. These types are fun.

3. People are not as good as they think they are. People fashion themselves as decent on one end and as mini Jesuses on the other end of the spectrum. They don't realize that most highly intelligent and intuitive (notice I wrote intuitive) people are ahead of these faux goodie two shoes by many steps. Smart intuitive people only entertain these types just for that, entertainment...and maybe some future benefit.


4. People need to feel that they are different from groups that look different.  Most people are not truly racist, but most are culturally separatists. There's nothing wrong with this. The only problem is when one think that being in a group that looks like______________, are better than the ones which look like__________. Most people that are compared based on social and class structures, tended to be more alike than those sorted by ethnic brands. While there are people in every ethnic group that would love to see a "race war" , unfortunately (for them), this probably won't ever happen because of all the 'gray' social, philosophical and sexual ties (underground and overt) of  many ethnic groups. We love each other more than we want to admit!




5. Most people are not with who they want to be with. I've heard more complaining and screaming about bad guys and a few bad women and it makes me wonder: wtf you were doing when you selected this one? Why is the divorce rate so high and at the same time there are so many wedding planners and infrastructure that's setup for getting married? Why get married if you're a natural cheater? The relationship summary from my ten year study is that many people are unhappy, depressed, have holes and need someone to fill their holes, so they find that soul that is best at hole filling, not necessarily the one that will actually stick with them, or be considerate or even keep a damn job.

There are a few other types that I won't discuss at this time, but may cover in a future post or posts and if you're terribly disappointed because you wanted more words in this post ("you should've touched more on this topic"), I say be patient, I may formalize it in a mini book, part of a big book or I may just leave it as is. But stand by to agree with or hate me. 

Raising the Black Bar



















Tough love convo needed for 2018


I want to discuss a serious subject and hope that I don't start a flame war but hope to shake out a little complacency from us. It's time that we have a frank conversation that was needed many years ago. 

Please keep in mind that these words are not speaking about members of other ethnic groups that truly hate black people for no obvious reason other than skin color. Also, there are many white people that don't have any issues with black people on any level (even the points made below-they just don't care) just as there are many black people who'll get this and will agree with the points made below.

In case you're wondering if this is all about what other people do or don't like and is yet another 'acclimate ourselves again to what other people are comfortable with'; no, this is not about that. This is about aligning the strata of the black population that needs to get their lives together. I'm talking about aligning this group of black folk to your every day, 'go to work, business owning, care about your child's welfare, want to do good in school' black people.

Below is a list (I'll call it the 'Get your Home in Order' list)of items that black people should address within (again, only the ones truly needing to do this).

The list is derived from many years of observations and talking to mostly black people and others from a few other ethnic groups and is not a scientific survey by any means. The listed items are in no order of importance. Here goes:

1. Teach our children to be respectful and be aware of behavior that can be misconstrued as aggressive. This was a tough one, because in many instances (if not most, black boys are labeled as aggressive when in fact they're not aggressive at all. It's weird how whites and blacks have lived, worked and played close to each other for a long time, but we are still thousands of miles away when it comes to actually knowing each other. We are fed news stories that inaccurately reflects TRUE cultural group reality and in turn some of us act out based on this 'media feeding' or think in those biased terms.

2. Put more energy into our children's education. This is a no-brainer. The world is cruel enough place without a college degree, but it's downright hell without a high school diploma. It's also time to destroy that several decades old demon that whispers into some of our kids ears that being smart or excelling in school is NOT cool. Realize that the school is NOT the only teacher for your children. We should integrate learning into our everyday family environment. This would create a 'love to learn for the sake of it' mental environment in the child.

3. Cut the grass, keep up the neighborhoods. Be proud of your home. When you're proud, it's hard to let the lawn grow up to the roof of your home. This is also about being considerate to your neighbors. There are many that do an awesome job of keeping the homestead looking nice.

4. Stop being so sensitive about everything. Racism is alive and well. Gender-based inequality is alive and well. Criminal-ism is definitely alive and well. The reality is the non-black person that dared to speak out about something that he or she doesn't like is most likely expressing what others (including many blacks) don't like.

It's a tough love assessment that is expressed by someone who you think shouldn't say it, but has the balls to say it when the people that look the most like you won't say it. I suspect that many non-blacks that don't truly hate us don't want to live or heavily socialize around us simply because they, like most other ethnic groups; feel the most comfortable when around others that are culturally similar and who look similar.

5. Get a job. While this is not only a black problem as there are many others that don't want to work. This gets a mention because, again, I am speaking from my experience with us black people. When we don't like to work, we are broke and are a burden to many productive people such as family and friends. This is unnecessary reliance when we are physically able to work. This only creates a below mediocre standard of being. It shouldn't be about only wanting to survive, we should want to rise economically as high as we can. Destroy the 'get over' mentality.

6. Men, respect our women. Stop calling them b*****s and h**s and any other name that is derogatory. I find it amazing that white rockers don't diss their women the way some rap and R & B artists do black women. Some people will say that it's because you're dealing with young men. Yeah right. I'm sure young white men musicians 'feel some kind of way' or say derogatory things about their women, they just don't do it as a default in their music and definitely not so publicly.

Black people will get angry when white men say derogatory things about black women in the public realm, but this is made more possible because it's allowed in the black community on a wholesale level. Also, stop supporting music (no matter how good it sounds) that objectify and disrespects women. It has to start somewhere.

We must evolve beyond the bubblegum R & B and rap that has metastasized on black radio. It's funny how we're doing music that's 'composed' on machines without a full array of instruments, but more white people are creating soul music, all with a full array of instruments. What happened here?

7. Stop embracing the thug life. All black men are not thugs. Not all white men are serial killers. I find too many of our young dudes embracing thuggish behavior (especially suburban kids from good backgrounds). If I was an alien that tuned into the average black radio station, I would think that the artists are addressing humans that only love hyper-aggressive behavior towards each other, are violent for the sake of violence towards each other and only makes a living selling drugs.

Every ethnic group sells drugs (white men AND women probably do it more than others), but black people must have a wake-up call: in the United States of America, the criminal justice system will look for you (black man) first. It's designed by people that want you out of their social and economic hairs. Is it a conspiracy, maybe, but I'm not one to go into that because if you truly don't sell drugs or do anything illegal for that matter; you don't go into the criminal justice beast. It's really simple. The victim slant of this doesn't hold much merit.

I'm sure someone will say that this doesn't address more issues or that this can be said about any other ethnic group. I'm not addressing other ethnic groups. I'm black and I've dealt mostly with black and white people. This is our time to work out things. Some may say I'm throwing shade or call me a 'traitor' for daring to speak out what we as an ethnic group need to be mindful of and what we need to do to gain more respect on the world stage.  




Stop Wasting Time On A Man That Won't Marry You

Okay, many online and print publications, have opinions or 'facts' about this topic. Millions of love starved women then click on the links hoping to find some groundbreaking information about the 'man will marry me signs'; only to come away with paragraphs of theory (fluff) about this age old dilemma.

I'm going to simplify this for the ones that need or want to know and will probably either piss off or gain some male fans with exposing this little known 'secret'. 
Are you ready to find out the truth? Do I need to add more paragraphs to make you feel it was worth your taking the time to click this link?

He Will Discuss his Intentions
While this is a no-brainer, women must know that it's in our nature to want to chase after, capture and hold onto what we treasure or love. A man with a clear intention of marrying you will not have to be coaxed or pleaded with or 'I hope he wants to marry me one day-ed'. He'll discuss it because he can't stand the chance of another dude coming in chasing and capturing you. 

No Excuses 
If you've been in a serious relationship with your guy after 3 years and he's still making excuses about why you can't get married soon; just know that you probably won't get married to him. It doesn't cost a lot to get married, but can cost a fortune to have a big wedding. Know the differences. It may cost much upfront money to buy a house, but doesn't take much to move a new husband or wife into a present home or apartment (providing that all of your belongings will fit). Careers don't die because of suddenly getting married and schooling shouldn't be affected. Of course if you're marrying a time thieving, envy monster; then the career and education part will matter. 

Stop Drinking the Kool-Aid
If your man is saying "I'm going to marry you" every year and you have been together for 3, 4, 7 years; do yourself a favor and stop getting drunk off of the Kool-Aid and have a serious discussion with him and if this is fruitless; plan your exit strategy.


Photo courtesy of OMGGhana


Saturday, March 25, 2017

How Television Can Affect Your Brain and Motivation

I like millions of Americans grew up watching TV. Although my heaviest TV watching were during my earlier years-watching cartoons (loved Loony Tunes), Sesame Street, Electric Company and the evening sitcoms; as I got older, I enjoyed watching The Cosby Show, Martin, A Different World, Seinfeld, The Simpsons.

By this time, I was more a casual watcher than a "I gotta get home by___pm to watch this" watcher. As I became more creatively productive, I watched less TV, even to the point of not owning a TV during a few stretches. I stumbled on the book "The Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television" by Jerry Mander about 20 years ago and in it were many of the words that eloquently spoke what I'd been slowly feeling about television: that there's more to this so-called idiot box than we could imagine, something even sinister.

My stance on TV is that you don't have to throw it out, but you should at least understand it. You should read about its history, it's intended use.

Excepts from the article:

"Survey participants commonly reflect that television has somehow absorbed or sucked out their energy, leaving them depleted. They say they have more difficulty concentrating after viewing than before. In contrast, they rarely indicate such difficulty after reading."

"Mander strongly disagrees with the idea that TV is merely a window through which any perception, any argument, or reality may pass. Instead, he claims TV is inherently biased by its technology. For a variety of technical reasons, including TV’s need for sharp contrast to maintain interest, Mander explains that authoritarian-based programming is more technically interesting to viewers than democracy-based programming. War and violence may be unpleasant in real life; however, peace and cooperation make for “boring television.” And charismatic authority figures are more “interesting” on TV than are ordinary citizens debating issues."

"In a truly democratic society, one is gaining knowledge directly through one’s own experience with the world, not through the filter of an authority or what Mander calls a mediated experience. TV-dominated people ultimately accept others’ mediated version of the world rather than discovering their own version based on their own experiences.

"Robert Keeshan, who played Captain Kangaroo in the long-running children’s program, was critical of television—including so-called “good television”— in a manner rarely heard from those who work in it:When you are spending time in front of the television, you are not doing other things. The young child of three or four years is in the stage of the greatest emotional development that human beings undergo. And we only develop when we experience things, real-life things: a conversation with Mother, touching Father, going places, doing things, relating to others. This kind of experience is critical to a young child, and when the child spends thirty-five hours per week in front of the TV set, it is impossible to have the full range of real-life experience that a young child must have. Even if we had an overabundance of good television programs, it wouldn't solve the problem."

"Television is a “dream come true” for an authoritarian society. Those with the most money own most of what people see. Fear-based TV programming makes people more afraid and distrustful of one another, which is good for an authoritarian society depending on a “divide and conquer” strategy. Television isolates people so they are not joining together to govern themselves. Viewing television puts one in a brain state that makes it difficult to think critically, and it quiets and subdues a population. And spending one’s free time isolated and watching TV interferes with the connection to one’s own humanity, and thus makes it easier to accept an authority’s version of society and life."

Read full article at AlterNET

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Can Stonecrest Become the Next Dunwoody?


Photo credit: High Street



After living in various parts of midtown Atlanta and Buckhead for about a decade, I moved back to south DeKalb in the summer of 2013. I’ve loved the area since buying my first home in the early 90’s and knew if I had to move to a suburban, more family-friendly area, I wanted it to be south DeKalb.

In November 2016, I celebrated that voters decided overwhelmingly to form the city of Stonecrest. I found the idea of Stonecrest compelling, viable and representative of something that I’ve known for a while: many of the people in this area are smart, well-cultured and will make things happen if given an opportunity.

Soon after the 'new city' ink was dry, the $200 million Atlanta Sports City development was announced for the areas around the Mall at Stonecrest. This nearly 200-acre sports and entertainment destination will feature indoor and outdoor sports facilities (including a 15,000-seat professional stadium) that will host soccer, football, flag football, futsal, lacrosse, basketball, baseball, field hockey, tennis, volleyball, wrestling, cheerleading, fitness training, group events, and year-round camps. The mall will get a new grand entrance featuring Stonecrest Landing, a 340,000 square foot retail and restaurant complex with a SeaQuest Aquarium.


I see Stonecrest and Dunwoody as being very similar. Sure, Dunwoody has an abundance of office towers, big hotels, much shopping and a ton of upscale housing. It hasn’t always been this way. Forty years ago, Dunwoody was an unincorporated part of DeKalb County featuring the newly-built Perimeter Mall and a scattering of low-rise office buildings. The business leaders of the area marketed it as an alternative to downtown and midtown for business.

Stonecrest must borrow from this playbook. There are many that may look at this idea as preposterous. After all, what and why would companies want to locate 25 miles outside of downtown Atlanta? I’m sure when the developers of Perimeter Mall and Perimeter Center office park pitched their proposals, they were probably met with the same questions. Much of the Perimeter Center area pre-development was farmland and forest and not close to the center of Atlanta’s business communities.

Imagine the people who grew up in Dunwoody in the 40’s and 50’s and how they may view the changes in the area. Many of them probably couldn’t imagine that pristine farmland eventually becoming one of metro Atlanta’s largest commercial centers. Things change. Imagine a technology company looking to locate in metro Atlanta and deciding on Stonecrest because of its proximity to the airport and downtown, low crime rate, highly skilled workforce, a diversity of housing choices and a bet that a MARTA rail line will come out that way in the near future. Now imagine them building a 6-story class-A office building in Stonecrest. A few years afterward, more companies show interest in coming to the area. It’s a snowball effect. It becomes a millennial hotspot: relatively inexpensive housing, close to the airport, as more workers come in, more businesses are attracted to the area. Just as what made the Perimeter Center area popular, companies and people like to be in a ‘hot’ area. Then more housing comes, more choices in entertainment, which in turn, attracts even more businesses. This is the simplified version of what happens. 

All it takes is a serious marketing/ branding of the area, improving/ maintaining the quality of life and Stonecrest can thrive. Stonecrest is no different than any other upstart area: no one knows what an area will be like years down the road. If the Atlanta Sports City complex is a harbinger of what’s in store for this young city, just imagine what might happen within a decade.

I see good things happening with Stonecrest. I see it becoming the next Dunwoody. I see MARTA rail going to the area, I see office towers and more high-density housing being built. I see telling my grandchildren about how I remember when it was just a mall, some restaurants, and retail scattered around the mall back in the day. They’ll look at me in disbelief.

Friday, January 6, 2017

What Really Defines School Quality?

Photo credit: Justine Warrington




And it's not about the percentage of kids on free or reduced lunch.


School quality has been a big topic for decades and there seems to be no quick and easy answers. We all usually agree that school quality metrics involve test scores, graduation rates and parental involvement. School districts can also be affected negatively by non-educationally related issues such as school board in-fighting and administrative and organizational negligence. This could threaten the school district's accreditation, which can cause potential residents of an area to not consider the area. DeKalb County School District nearly lost its accreditation because of something not related to its quality of education. This is an example of adults not putting the children and what they are tasked with first. 

Both of my parents were educators (teachers and counselors) and dinner time was often peppered with talk about the board this, mr. so and so this. I enjoyed listening to this "teacher gossip" especially when it would touch on principals and teachers I knew. When faced with going to high school, I thought  I would attend the high school that the majority of my middle school friends were attending. My mom wasn't going for that, so I found all kinds of reasons why I didn't want to go to the school I was zoned to attend. Finally I pulled the bad school card. I would never forget what my mom said in response to this. 

"There's nothing wrong with that school, they have a lot of good teachers and low test scores don't mean that the kids don't know anything." Years later, when I had children of my own, I remembered my mom's declaration when fussing and haggling over where to move. My older kids attended private school until they were at the middle school age and eventually both graduated from Stephenson High. I have a daughter currently at Towers, who attended Bethune before that, she's maintained great grades at both schools.

I used GreatSchools.org before moving a couple of years ago. I found its user interface simple, but looking deeper into the metrics going into the 1-10 rating system, I found the percentage of free or reduced lunches, racial composition and standardized test scores were parameters used in the ratings. I'm not sure if whether a child getting free or reduced lunch has any bearing on the quality of the school in educating said child.

When doing research on the accuracy of GreatSchools.org, I found comments from parents around the country coming to the conclusion that GreatSchools.org ratings may not accuratley reflect the actual quality of the school. Several years ago on a popular real estate site, a parent detailed his search for a good public school and was dismayed after seeing the chosen school rated as a 3. He visited the school and was impressed enough to enroll his kids anyway and both he and the kids absolutely love the school.

What makes a good school is parents making the schools accountable and schools making the parents accountable for the child getting the most out of their learning experience. Of course, the child must be accountable by listening and doing all of their necessary tests and school work. In the better performing schools, principals, teachers and parents maintain constant communication with each other when there are negative changes in the student's grades. 

I've never been an educator but I know it's not an easy occupation, but If you are an educator that is not emotionally vested with teaching, get into another line of work. Students need their teacher, principal and all support educational staff to be at 100 percent. I've heard a teacher mumble under her breath about not liking working in this county. My mom  used to say that there were many dedicated teachers and then there were the ones who liked the idea of not working during the summer months and getting paid more than actually teaching.

If you are a parent who is not involved at all in your child's education beyond getting him or her ready for school or dropping them off at the bus stop, please understand that you may be setting your child up for possible failure. Sure there are many children that are doing great in school in the absence of much parental involvement, but if your child is not doing good in school and if you're not as involved, understand that it's not all of the school's fault.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Reincarnation is Real and Do I Have a Story for You!

Do you believe in reincarnation? Do you believe that you've been here before, maybe living in another country, as a different race or sex? I do, and not only do I believe, I experienced something profound a little over a decade ago and will share it...soon. It's about a past life. My past life. 

I've not told many about this, but the few that I've told, were all amazed, while a few may have given me a couple of side-eyes and 'he may be a little weird' looks; my experience is valid. I will start writing this book soon and I hope that this book will inspire others to explore this subject for their own understanding of this thing called...life.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

I Think I Saw a Civil War Ghost on the Subway

Okay, this has been on my mind for a few days. I've not wanted to talk about it, I didn't even tell my wife of 11 years. It's something that's hard to talk about, especially to her. It happened on the way to work.

I was on the westbound blue line heading towards the center of town when I saw it. But did I really see it? Was I half asleep as I am most of the time on the train? Naw, I saw IT. I remembered soon after the conductor announced the station, an older woman walked towards the senior seats. Behind her and a little to the left, I saw it!

It was a man dressed in what looked like a military uniform. But it wasn't a modern uniform, it looked old as in real old. I almost want to say it looked like a civil war type of uniform. It was bluish with slightly worn collars and patches of a reddish hue on the chest area. The man was white with a lot of hair on his head and a growing beard. He seemed to be about 20 but he looked worn and sad.

I briefly looked the other way as we caught each others' gaze. A chill ran down my back and then up again. The train conductor announced the next station. I looked back over to the strange man. He gave me a hard, cold stare. Did anyone see this dude? Was he homeless? No one seemed to notice him. This is normal on the train anyway, but NO ONE seemed to SEE him. He kept his eyes on me.

I looked down at my phone to take my mind off of his piercing eyes, opening up and playing a round of Othello. I felt uneasy about the man. It was as if he was speaking to me but without actually speaking. The other odd thing I noticed was he seemed to be sitting HIGHER than every one else on the train. I didn't dare look up from my phone because I didn't want to see the eyes.

"Andrew, Andrew. Do you remember me?" I heard the voice, but it wasn't loud. It was inside my ear, like a slight ringing, buzzing sound, but words. I looked up and around me. This is crazy. Why and how did this happen? This is a work day and this is impossible at this point in the trip. The train was completely empty, except for me and the strange man. 

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The Anti Thirsty Woman Guide: Take Back Your Power

Thirsty 
/ˈTHərstē/
1. Too eager to get something (especially play)
2. Desperate

Being thirsty can apply to men and women, but I'm talking about women here. I'm sure that you know a woman that chase dudes like her very life depends on being with them. She's the one that calls and texts all the time while the guy hardly shows any initiative to communicate with her. she'll make the plans to do things with him and literally has to beg him to show up. She'll sometimes 'sponsor' or buy him things all the time (even without him asking her).
While there's nothing wrong with a woman liking a guy and showing him a little interest. The problem comes when the 'showing' increases to the point where the woman is going outside herself and disrespecting her character to get attention from the guy. 
The signs of a thirsty woman are diverse and can be intrinsic to the woman's personality and mind state. What one person may consider as desperate behavior may not be considered as that by another. The key is if the behavior takes you out of what you would consider as respectful to you and your values. 
Instead of providing a big list of thirst indicators (a list that may demonize women who are in relationships where the man actually reciprocates his affection, commitment and/ or love); I'll list what I consider as major indications of a thirsty woman. 
1. The woman doesn't allow him to contact her first after meeting him. 
2. The woman invites herself over to his place before he invites her.
3. The woman don't ask relevant questions when she see or hear something odd about him or she's afraid that it may chase him away if she does.
4. It doesn't bother the woman when he tells her that he doesn't work. 
5. Despite him saying that he's not looking for a relationship or commitment; the woman presses on, pressuring him about being in a relationship.
More than half of all heartaches and the accompanying 'bubbly stomach syndrome' would be eliminated overnight if women were to adhere to one rule: do not call him first, allow him to call. Do not chase him. Let him chase you. Men love to chase. While it may feed our egos when a woman chase us (especially if she's hot); after a while most of us lose respect for the woman and she gets 'boring' fast. 
So, let him chase you. Let him call you first and arrange the dates. Of course if the woman just wants a hook up; then by all means let 'Stella Get her Groove'. if you want to cultivate a relationship in the hopes for something bigger down the road; you will certainly push him away with your thirsty ways. 
Now for the 'putting all men in a box' sentence: most men will initiate contact (sounds like an interplanetary adventure story) when they are truly interested. Of course, men who only want one thing will call first every time. That's where your art of discernment will have to come in and that's a topic for another post. 
You shouldn't put up with the 'relationship nonchalant' or the super non talking mysterious dude or better yet, 'the dude with three phones; with so called businesses, but always seem to be broke, who's always busy for everybody else except you'. It shouldn't be complicated. The man that's truly interested in you will jump through hurdles and climb mountains to impress and get your attention. 
I wish I could write that there's a 'secret formula' or 'special knowledge' for eliminating thirst and knowing when a man truly wants you (and not only for sex). I will say it again, men love to chase and when we really like and want you, we show it by initiating communication, finding time for you, being clear in our communication and intent; which brings up a side bar. 
We need to get back to the old school of courting. I know the word courting brings back memories of you hearing your grams or big momma talking about her days when she was courted by your grandfather. I sincerely believe with all my heart and brain that in order to turn around the dismal state of marriage in this country; we must turn the clock back and revisit this old way.
 There's no reason to be in a state of 'girlfriend/ boyfriend' for five or ten years with no commitment in sight. With courting, you meet someone, you go out and eventually get to know one another (this can happen over a period of months)and both of you have conversations about the state of the relationship, what you want or don't want out of it and you decide if marriage is the next stage of the relationship. 
While I'm no advocate of getting into a marriage and not knowing or loving your spouse; I think that people should stop wasting each other's time if nothing serious can potentially come out of the relationship relatively soon. Men marry who they find as a great catch. It's in our nature to want to capture or 'own' something that we find most valuable to us. If a man sees the value in you and in locking you down; he will not stretch out a relationship over many years without putting a ring on it early. 
If you're thirsty, know that continually being thirsty will never satisfy your thirst. You will always be the chaser. You will always be without a fulfilling relationship. You will always be laughed at (mostly behind your back) by some of your friends and family. By following the simple rule of allowing the man to chase and show you how interested he is in you; even if it takes some time to be in that fulfilling relationship, you will at least keep your sanity, power and dignity.